Married in a Pandemic - The perspectives from 2020 couples
Wedding planning isn’t exactly a cake walk. Add a global pandemic to the mix and you’ve got yourself quite a potential headache (at the least). Insert tears and some heartbreak as you watch the wedding you have been envisioning quickly evaporate with the ever changing story and regulations with covid-19.
The summer of 2020 is somehow already coming to an end and it has been about 6 months since the first news of covid hit and started affecting our plans. So much has happened in 6 months. Weddings and marriage celebrations have changed drastically since then. I have had countless conversations with couples planning and re-planning their wedding for 2020. Some making decisions to wait (2021, we SEE you and we are reeeeaaalllly rooting for you to redeem it all). Some getting creative and re-envisioning how to get married in 2020.
But in the midst of it all, throughout the stress, disappointment and frustration, I have watched one couple after another come through it with such hopeful hearts. Joy is still here. Love is still here. I have been so in awe of all my couples and every couple who has had to face this all in the midst of a pandemic. I decided to reach out to a few to give them a space to share their story, their perspective. What it’s like to get married during a pandemic.
Emily & Chris
Original plans: Destination Micro wedding/elopement - Sorrento, Italy
What they decided: original wedding date - local micro wedding
Originally, we had planned for a small-sized, intimate gathering of our closest friends and family in Sorrento, Italy.
After COVID caused the cancellation of both flights and hotel stays in Europe’s hardest-hit country, we began to look for local options. We were lucky enough to find an outdoor venue the week after DC businesses opened up. It was different than what we envisioned for our wedding in Italy, but it became a beautiful and special day for all of us.
It was important to us that we kept our original wedding date. We officiated our own ceremony, and that eliminated the need for another person to be within six feet of us and our family. We wrote our own ceremony, our own vows, and everyone in attendance had a part in the wedding. Emily and her mom made the bouquet and boutonnière and we ordered curbside pick-up from a local restaurant.
DC businesses closed up shop early in March. We had our first dress and suit fittings right before businesses closed their doors which lead to a unique situation where being stuck without our wedding attire. We found simple and elegant alternatives for our celebration.
Finally, we made the conscious decision not to stream the event for family and friends for a few reasons. First, we did not want technical difficulties. Second, it was important to our original vision that we have an “unplugged wedding,” in that people would be present for our wedding and not view it through a screen, nor would we have to look out at a sea of phones and cameras. We held true to that vision, and this allowed us to preserve that intimate feel. Third, we fully plan on having a large celebration next year, and we did not want people to feel like this was their only chance to celebrate with us.
Getting married during a pandemic is hard. We had to slowly come to terms with the reality that some aspects of our wedding may not be possible. It became clear that a wedding in Italy this year was impossible. That was a very hard pill to swallow as we scrambled with less than three months from lockdown in early March until our wedding day to make the decision to press on, and then work to create a ceremony that was both special and possible. The desire from our loved ones to attend a wedding was outweighed by our collective responsibility to keep each other safe. It was not until May/June that we fully understood the effects of quarantine and what we could and could not do. Isolating for two weeks prior to the wedding became an essential part in allowing us to get together, and we are grateful for that sacrifice on the part of our parents.
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Unexpected pandemic perks: no traffic, easy parking, open venues, and sometimes the best dance floor is in your own kitchen.
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You are as strong as your love is for each other, and you can rely on each other to get through the toughest of times and make the best of it. This is as true in life as it is for a pandemic or planning a wedding. Plans change, the world gives us opportunities and takes some others away, stay flexible. Your friends and family will understand and will celebrate you from a distance for now. People will understand if they don’t get an invitation, if there’s not a certain item on the menu, or if you’re not arranged in a certain way. You are part of the COVID Brides Club (grooms, too), and everyone has a uniquely fascinating story to tell.
Matt + Sarah, San Diego Elopement
Once we reached the decision to dedicate our efforts to a local June wedding, we were really beginning to get excited that this would actually happen. This was our wedding and we would make it every bit as special as the one we originally planned. There were not as many moving pieces to worry about. Everything went smoothly, and we closed out the day with our first dance in the kitchen after the kids and parents had gone to bed.
Chris: The hardest part for me was trying to find a balance in planning an event that we would be proud to call our wedding while not alienating our friends and family because getting together was impossible. We were also trying to lock down details for a new, small wedding while mourning the amazing experience we had originally planned in Europe.
Emily: The hardest part for me was planning. I had the fear that anything we planned locally would feel like a placeholder wedding until we could have a more well-attended ceremony and reception. However, this ended up not being the case at all. We created a day that was special and beautiful, it was just about us. It was all the wedding that we needed.
The best advice we received was, “There is nothing that says your ceremony and reception have to happen on the same day.”
Talking out ideas with other people was really helpful. It was really easy to get excited about the ideas that we generated in our own bubble, so running those ideas by family and close friends for a sanity check was an important step in planning.
If I have one regret, it is that I did not get to walk down the aisle with my dad. We didn’t have an aisle, and it was not something that we planned into our ceremony. My advice is to think of aspects of a ceremony that are important to you and plan them into your ceremony, no matter how intimate or informal it is.
Sam + McKenna
Original plans: 150+ guest wedding on family property, Sonoma County, CA
What they decided: original wedding date with downsized guest list
We spent over a year planning a dreamy day with over 150 guests - all our closest friends, family, the MVPs of our lives! Our venue was my grandparents' property in Sonoma County. Thankfully, we were able to keep our venue, which was so special to us. We had envisioned transforming a large barn into a cozy, beautiful wedding venue.
Our numbers changed from 150 to 16. We had to find a new photographer in the area, but other than that *thankfully!* all our other vendors were able to stay with us. There were a LOT of things that changed, and because we were right in the beginning of the chaos, things changed again and again and again. Just when we felt like we had a plan, another regulation dropped, and we had to readjust.
Honestly, it was crazy - and somehow (when the actual day was actually happening), it was beautiful. Don't get me wrong, it was HARD. Losing all the plans we were so excited about felt like a rug being pulled out from under us, only there wasn't even a floor to hit once you fell, it was just like a total, chaotic free fall until I was in my dress walking down the aisle. BUT...The most important thing was him and marrying him at the end of the day. When all the frill and fluff is taken, it really forces you to think about what is most important. For us, it was getting married, and starting our life together.
My mom and dad were our pillars of support and solid ground for us as we were navigating this. They kept encouraging us to 1) focus on each other and 2) do what brings you peace. It was SO helpful to release expectations and to reimagine rather than try to force. They gave us permission to let all our plans go, cry our guts out, and then look forward with true joy to what was next.
Sam + McKenna, post wedding shoot @ The Lane
Since our date was March 28, we had less than 2 weeks to make A LOT of changes as the pandemic spread, with new trials each morning! The hardest thing to lose was our guest list. We had to change our numbers from 160 to 50, and then 50 to 30, and finally 30 to 14. It was so so hard to try to picture the day without the people I always imagined would be there.
My parents actually planned a "drive by" reception parade for us, which truly was one of the most cherished moments of my life. All of our local friends and family who weren't able to be a part of our ceremony drove from all over the county to drive by and wave. It was amazing, and I will never ever forget that feeling of incredible love and support from them.
I would tell myself "it's okay" to be devastated and angry and confused and just really, really sad. It's ok to not listen to the MANY people who dump all their opinions on you... It's ok do what YOU want. It's ok to have things be different, it's even ok to like it better! It's ok to start over, and it's OK TO HAVE JOY and be happy even when the world feels so dark and heavy. It's ok to celebrate!
I would also tell myself to trust your gut, do what feels right for you two ...Be true to yourself, don't force something that doesn't feel right in your soul.
I look back, truly, with not a single regret. Honestly, my wedding day felt like a miracle. Not once during the day did I think about how it was originally planned. In a weird way, it felt how it was meant to be all along. I cherish it deeply, so does my husband.
A big thank you and virtual hug to these couples who were willing to share their story on the blog. Sending you guys intense love, good vibes, and a little bit of rock and roll.
If you are engaged, got married, planned or planning to get married this year, what has your experience been like? Share in the comments or reach out and share your story with me.
Other helpful sources on planning a wedding during COVID:
Wedding Planning During COVID-19: Your Questions Answered
Cancelled Wedding? These 10 Wedding Alternatives Will Help You Celebrate Your Love